Miss-gendering & misgendering

[pelmut]

Last week I was walking home from the Post Office through a housing estate with a bit of a rough reputation. Three girls aged about 10 or 12 appeared round the corner on the opposite side of the road and started calling out to attract my attention; fearing the worst, I pretended I hadn't heard them. Eventually one of them called out clearly and politely, in a way which I could no longer ignore, "Excuse me, miss...". They were looking for a lost dog and wondered if I might have seen it; they didn't seem the least bit bothered by the incongruity between their initial assumption that I was a woman (probably because of my skirt) and my masculine voice and face; they were only interested in telling me about the dog.

Yesterday I was with a group of canal enthusiasts on an archæological walk when we came across another walker who had a great interest in the canal and one of the archæological digs in which I had been involved several years ago. He started telling us lots of information that he had discovered from talking to "one of the chaps who was doing the survey". Some of the detail could only have come from me or one other member of the surveying team, so I asked him which of us he had met. From my description of the other surveyor, he was quite certain it wasn't him - and it couldn't have been me, because it was "definitely a gentleman" he had spoken to. I was so surprised that I blurted out "...but I am a gentleman" (a statement open to question in view of my lack of social skills), but he didn't react to that and continued the conversation about the history of the canal.

In both cases, wrapped up against the cold in a padded jacket , wearing a skirt and with a pony tail showing beneath my woolly hat, I suppose the mistake was understandable - but the way none of them seemed to catch on when I spoke to them face-to-face, was rather puzzling.

[denimini]

I did enjoy those stories.
Incongruity is a fleeting thing, if it happens enough it disapears and to the unindoctrinated, it never existed (perhaps as with the three girls).
I am impressed with the ambiguous look of the steampunk and gender neutral movement of the young these days.
Gender should not matter to 99.999*% of people, unless there is an interest in an intimate relationship.
A persons sex probably doesn't matter either unless deciding on a mamogram or prostate check.

Just a thought.

[pelmut]

It's happened again - at least, I think so:

I was delivering a large but fairly lightweight display board to an address in the centre of the city. As I was lifting it awkwardly out through the tailgate of the car, a man who had been walking along the pavement immediately stopped and offered to give me a hand with it. I thanked him, but said I didn't really need any help because it wasn't as heavy as it looked. He nodded, smiled and went on his way.

For 15 years I have been delivering things to that address, some of them were almost too heavy to lift and some so big that they overhung the roof rack, but I don't remember ever receiving an offer of help from a passer-by before. This is the first time I have worn a skirt when delivering there and it wouldn't surprise me if I was mistaken for a woman on this occasion. (He would only have seen my beskirted backside protruding from the car and possibly my pony tail.)

[partlyscot]

Gender should not matter to 99.999*% of people, unless there is an interest in an intimate relationship.

A 14 year old acquaintance of my GF put it this way.

"What I have between my legs is nobodies business but mine, and whoever I end up sleeping with"

[skirtingtoday]

I like hearing those tales too - but nothing like that has ever happened to me. Thanks for sharing them with us.

The only thing I do notice, no matter where I shop (foodstore, DIY, getting petrol etc), that there are wider smiles particularly from the female staff. And they seem more eager to offer unsolicited help (particularly at the DIY shop)

[pelmut]

The only thing I do notice, no matter where I shop (foodstore, DIY, getting petrol etc), that there are wider smiles particularly from the female staff. And they seem more eager to offer unsolicited help (particularly at the DIY shop)

I have noticed a similar change in the way people respond to me - they smile far more readily and are much more chatty. I find it helps if I 'programme' myself in advance so that I respond in a similar friendly way, without a momentary pause while I think "What are they playing at?".

It is sad to realise that I have been conditioned to respond that way automatically by so many years of going through life with the subconscious feeling that any moment I could become the random victim of an aggressive man (or occasionally an aggressive woman). Wearing a skirt has certainly shown me a better side to human nature.

[Taj]

I've been mistaken that way and just consider it complimentary. When my hair is not tied back, combined with the fact that I'm sometimes complimented as being callipygous, I get mistaken from the back even wearing jeans. Whether it's a gender issue or just that I generally have a cheerful outlook, I could have been happy in life with either birth gender.

[JohnH]

I get misgendered a lot. I have a figure with hips and breasts, along with long hair, and I can get ma'amed even when I am wearing a man's plaid shirt, jeans, and boat shoes. However, when I speak with my deep masculine voice, the person says, "Oh sorry, Sir!"

John

[Caultron]

I have noticed a similar change in the way people respond to me - they smile far more readily and are much more chatty. I find it helps if I 'programme' myself in advance so that I respond in a similar friendly way, without a momentary pause while I think "What are they playing at?"...

No doubt, as in any other situation, people respond much better to a friendly smile and a warm, "Hello," than they do to fear, trepidation, and withdrawal.

[Kilted_John]

I get misgendered a lot. I have a figure with hips and breasts, along with long hair, and I can get ma'amed even when I am wearing a man's plaid shirt, jeans, and boat shoes. However, when I speak with my deep masculine voice, the person says, "Oh sorry, Sir!"

John

I used to have that happen, even when I had short hair. Only thing that stopped it was going wookie face...

-J

[crfriend]

I can't say that I've ever been "mis-gendered" in my entire life, even before I took up skirts as common every-day attire. I've had long hair since escaping the confines of family, but have always sported a mustache, and frequently a beard. I'm also too large (vertically) to be readily confused with most women, so that's worked to my advantage as well.

There was one wonderful time, however, when I was out in one of my miniskirts paired with a poets' shirt, and an "age-appropriate" woman quietly commented in my ear at the local liquor store, "You look lovely." -- to which I just turned, smiled, and quietly said, "Thank you."

"Lovely" is not a term usually applied to guys, but one I happen to embrace. I was glad to brighten someone else's day.

[pelmut]

Three times in the past week...

First I was 'madamed' at a supermarket checkout, then I was asked at a New Years Eve party if I was transitioning. Yesterday the assistant at a tool and hardware warehouse asked for my address and surname, then enquired whether my title was "Mrs." or "Miss"; I said it would be best to leave it blank, but when I looked at the invoice afterwards, I found I had been put down as "Mrs.".

[moonshadow]

Well, I've only had this happen once, but boy it was a whopper of a scenario.... one I'd rather not live through again....

While in Pennsylvania the Monday after Christmas on some "family business", I found myself being asked to check on some dogs, and thus gain access to a doublewide. I was in my blue Macabi with black leggings on underneath. I had permission from the buildings occupants to be there. However a neighbor called the police on me for "breaking into the house". (as they put it) My story is... "the door was already broken when I got there". And FWIW.... it pretty much was. (the whole place was in VERY bad repair overall)

The point is, the neighbor in question described a "tall woman in a blue skirt" to the dispatcher. We all got a chuckle out of that.

The state trooper did not seem amused though.

It took almost two hours to get this cleared up. Finally my story aligned with that of the buildings occupants (per the trooper) and I was free to go.

I don't want to put out to much information on this for various reasons, among them, I can't be 100% sure I'm out of this yet, for all I know somebody may have changed their mind and there may be a warrant out for me in Pennsylvania to this day, despite being initially cleared by the trooper to leave. I'm 99% sure I'm fine.... but still, there is a part of me that doesn't trust that family, and when it comes to them.... one is NEVER out of the woods it seems.

I hope I never go back.

Naturally.... the first time I'm mistaken for a woman, and of COURSE the police are involved! Seems like that's how it goes for me!

[JeffB1959]

Well, I've never been mistaken for a woman, and even when garbed in a blouse, skirt and heels, I'm always called "sir", though I have gotten the occasional "hon" or "honey" from women, the last time on New Year's Eve when I went to a local casino in a miniskirt and heeled thigh boots. I always find that amusing.

[Jim]

Well, it wasn't due to a skirt, but a kid thought I was a lady on a beach once. Just saw me from behind with my bikini-like swim suit (after the days they were common fashion for men). I have shoulder length hair. Remarked on a lady without a top. I didn't turn around for him to see my beard, just stayed amused.