Difficulties with partners

[denimini]

It is easy if the other person is a stranger or someone you don't have much respect for; you can tell them where to go or ignore them.
It is very different with a partner that one still cares about and is compatible with most other things. I admire Dennis and others who obvoiusly have concerns about the feelings of their partners and are not so narcisstic as to not care and do as they like. It is all to do with education, discussion and negotiation. Sometimes it is difficult to get to the real reason a partner is against the unconventional because it may be an underlying lack of self confidence, which may be hard to admit or even recognise in themselves. The process may be incremental and slow but the end result is usually far better for both.
It should be somewhat easier for us supporters to be patient than the person with the difficulty.

[Pdxfashionpioneer]

Well put Anthony.

Dillon, I usually agree with your postings, but on this one I agree with Bill in ND.

[dillon]

I apologize for the harshness of my remarks, but it is true that this forum has frequently been a "crying shoulder" and for a very long time. At some juncture, would remediation not be in order? I regret my lack of diplomacy; but I think at a point, effusive sympathy and sensitivity abets forestalling a healthy resolution. Still, I am not without empathy; my own reception from my wife, in certain favorite outfits, is less than supportive. The difference, perhaps, may be the degree of emotional strength and independence in our marital relationships. I just don't relate to what seems to me to be a long-term co-dependence. I think that a successful relationship, and subsequently a healthy adult life, requires both mutual respect and self-respect. I just hope at some point Dennis can find a way to get a grasp on the situation. But I could have stated it less stridently, and I apologize for terms I used.

[Sinned]

Dillon, no problems. I actually smiled at your posting and, while it probably was uncalled for, I'm not offended by it. It is true that if I completely disregarded her feelings the relationship would undoubtedly suffer BUT I have made some progress. I suspect that I haven't got down to the real reason why she is against me wearing a skirt outside. I have asked her directly and the only answer she gives is that when I wear a skirt all she sees is me dressed like a woman. Even though the skirt may be the only, in her eyes, female garment. I do have an idea. 99 per cent of the time she wears leggings. Tbhey're ok and I understand that they are convenient, warm and easy to wear but I would rather she wear something else so I am going to work in that. After all if I were to dress like a woman and use her as an example then I would wear LEGGINGS. I will sort it and yes I do use this site as a sounding board but I'm not the only one and not the only one with a reluctant OH. I ask all your advice but it appears that you all have no more idea of comprehending the female than I have.

[Gordon]

All of us that are married have made the proverbial marriage bed and have to sleep in it or get out. As I am 65 years young and married for 42 years I can't see myself starting over. So I have to put up with her and her lack of acceptance of my sartorial decisions. Although I have to say that it has gotten better. I would love to wear more frilly skirts and maybe a dress, but I don't have the guts, balls, or chutzpah to do it. Not yet anyway.

Whatever our individual situations are are ours alone and we can't expect anyone else to fully understand it. But I do appreciate whatever anyone has to say about their situation, because maybe, just maybe it might help me understand a bit better my own. Open dialog is good! Right?

[Pdxfashionpioneer]

Dennis,

Here's a couple of thoughts that may or may not help.

I don't feel qualified to give you definitive answers not because I don't understand women in general; it's because I don't know your wife and can't possibly know what's bugging her about your wearing skirts and dresses.

I do know my most recent ex-wife (She makes 3, so you understand your wife a whole lot better than I have understood any of those 3 ladies.) felt like she was in bed with a woman when I had shaven legs. Why, in the deepest sense, did she feel that way rather than just recognize that plenty of athletes shave their bodies for the extra physical and psychological benefit? How do I know? But I do know that was the way she felt and we had to start there to stay together.

Maybe if your wife and you put on those matching dresses and you had her look at the 2 of you in a mirror she would see that there was only one woman there and the man she loves who loves to wear skirts.

Or maybe she's more inclined to make here peace with "the other woman (you in a skirt)." 'Do as you please, just don't shove it in my face or embarrass me.'

At least free advice doesn't cost you anything!

[Sinned]

Dave, I wouldn't dream of castigating anyone for free, honest non-malicious advice based on experience. I am going to try one night this week to get us to try the dresses on as we would wear them to go out as she would probably wear different accessories than I and, as you say compare notes and looks. It was a good suggestion by you.

Gordon's points are valid too - tolerate the situation but try and change it and get out. Like him I have been married 40+ years and I do love my wife and have too much invested in the relationship to just give up. By opening up the discussion some suggestions may come to light from the collective consciousness that may help one or more of us.

[hairy]

Do I take it that you are finally getting somewhere sinned? I'm pleased I started this thread but hope it don't make things worse with some partners/wife's.

[Sinned]

I have made progress in that I am able to wear a skirt indoors whenever I want. BUT she seems very prickly about me wearing a skirt out of the house. I have managed sometimes to wear a skirt outside when we are doing some gardening or other work outside, particularly round the back which is quite enclosed. It'll be a lot easier when I get the side gate put back, it was blown off last winter and I just hadn't got around to fixing it. She knows that I go out in a skirt when she's not around and she's not thrilled with that. I can wear other tops, strappy, vests, that are marketed for women and while she may not be comfortable she hasn't objected yet. Whilst I think that she has also accepted that I don't mind wearing women's clothing I don't think that she has yet made the distinction between that and dressing to look like a woman. I think that I look good in a skirt and have the legs for it and she may be jealous of this. So yes, I have made progress in most of the areas that I want progression but there is still a fair amount of work to do. Thank you all for your suggestions and understanding.

[beachlion]

My wive likes me in kilts but still has some reservations about me being out in the open. As long as I'm home or in the garden, there is no problem. And the reservation is stronger with skirts.

So I liked to go to the bottom of it and asked her about it.

For her it is more of something mental, she does not want to draw attention to herself from the general public because she is quite overweight. If she could be invisible, even the better. She is ashamed of herself because of her appearance and she is projecting it more or less on me. I have no problem with myself. If you walk the beaches in a thong or g-string, you are past that.

So now the cause of the problem is known, I know now that I have to get her more confident about me.
She has to get used to the fact I'm shopping in kilts for the time being. And I have to go to diners and similar when we go together. I also have to wear skirts in the same length as kilts in and around the house to be ready to go in skirts when the temperature gets better after the winter. There is time to sort things out.

At least she is not against it in a militant way. So I have good hopes.

[Caultron]

You know, I wonder sometimes if wives have the same fear of us appearing skirted in public as we ourselves initially had.

Like, what will people think of her having a husband who wears skirts? Is she staying married to a pervert? Or at least a nutcase? Is she inadequate in some way?

Never thinking about the reservations *we* might have about appearing with (in this case) a quite overweight wife.

[wsherman]

I remember a time a few years ago back when I still had a good deal website. I neighbor lady two doors up from us confronted my wife while she was out riding her bike about my attire. She said to my wife and I: "I wouldn't let my man go out like that!" To which my wife replied he looks fine to me and he's good in bed too! Face with rolling eyes.
Yet even with that she's fine with me wearing kilts in public but skirts!
So yeah I think there is something to their fear of what other people may say or think. I at least know that this is part of the issue with my wife if not all of it
So I wear my Kilts when I'm out and about and in the house and around the yard I wear skirts somehow to her there's a difference. I really do believe one day Kurtz will become a non-issue with her !

Take care!
Bill and sir Brinkley the exuberant my Leader Dog extraordinaire up here and snowy blowy North Dakota! Why you see K!

[beachlion]

....... Like, what will people think of her having a husband who wears skirts? Is she staying married to a pervert? Or at least a nutcase? Is she inadequate in some way? ........

I'm Dutch so I have some leeway. Foreigners in general are allowed to have some strange habits.

[Sinned]

Today is my day off and MOH is off shopping this morning with my daughter. So I'm a-putting on a skirt, don't know which one yet, going for a breakfast to the eatery that we have been to for the last two weeks, and going shopping myself. I don't know for sure where they are going but some of it will be in common with where I will be going and some not. Not planning on meeting up but if we see each other then so be it. I will deal with the fallout later. I just want a chance to be myself for a couple of hours and enjoy the freedom a skirt brings.

[Caultron]

...I just want a chance to be myself for a couple of hours and enjoy the freedom a skirt brings.

Rock on!