Difficulties with partners

[Elisabetta]

Just curious but for the ones that have been married a long time how do you guys make it so long? Do you ever fight about things other than skirts like intimacy or family , work related issues or is it just skirts? If so how do you get through them? What do you do in regards to them?

A good marriage is built on the foundations of monotony and routine The Mrs only just tolerates kilts, jean skirts at a push, so the more formal ones I save for visiting friends such as SkirtsDad We fight over other normal things like regular people, I try not to make skirts the be all and end all focus in life. It's about giving way to each other at times. We are all at different stages along this road. Some have wives who are very tolerant, others it is a definite no, some from this site have even transitioned, some live alone so the issue of domestic struggle is not there. Some can wear the most fabulous ensembles, others are a bit more conservative in their dress.

Getting through arguments can be a case of just letting the dust settle and laying low. If my partner absolutely hated any fotm of unbifurcated clothing it would be a problem but not the end of the world. Kilts are a male garment so I can get awsy with that. No clothes should be more important than a relationship, IMHO

<~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This I agree with.


I was asking because on this particular post it seems all most arguments are is with the choice of clothing ones allowed to wear so I was wondering if the fights are just with skirts or if its more. I have arguments with Moon on different things but I don't think any of our arguments pertain to him in skirts.

[Sinned]

Jenn, my wife and I fight over very little. Over the years there are two or three issues that she has absolutely stamped down on and I just don't bring them up again. As far as I can remember I have not said no to anything. I am generally laissez-fair and tolerant of most things. Consequently I ask for very little also. My skirts is probably the ONLY thing I have really insisted on for a very long time. It's not as if my tendency to wear alternative clothing is new because it has been a thread running all through our time together. I have worn add items of women's clothes at some time or another.

When we argue she recovers quicker than I do and even after the extreme row we had the other night she continues the relationship as if nothing untoward has happened. This disagreeing is getting me down; I have suffered from depression before and the taint of it occurs now and again. You never get rid of it, only control it and I was close last night. Last night I said that I was going to put on a skirt and go out for the day alone. Nowhere special, just window shopping and maybe just buy an item or two. She took it well but in the end I didn't go. We went shopping together and spent a little money. I enjoyed the time together but inside I was miserable because I wanted to be out skirted. The relationship and rebuilding the emotional ties was more important to me than the skirt at this time. She knows that if she is not around that I will go out skirted and she chooses to ignore this.

How have we lasted so long - I think just maybe tolerance more on her part because my diabetes makes me moodier than her, having things in common but also things that we do separately. But I think that mostly over 40 years our love has developed so strongly. One day very soon I will put on a skirt, say goodbye to her at the door and go somewhere - the Railway Museum, the Yorkshire Museum, Eden Camp a second world war prisoner of war camp, anywhere. Just to show her that it's no big deal. I just couldn't be so cruel on my birthday.

[STEVIE]

Hi Jenn,
I reckon that you could get a different answer from every guy here.
In my own case, there is a history. For starters, she knew about my preferences before we wed. However, I pushed the boundaries very radically in our early days. I tried to pass as a female and that caused many problems. In my own defence, I had no wish to change but simply believed it was the only way that a guy could wear a skirt.
Amongst all of that our two kids came along. That lead to a whole new set of ideas and problems.
This included a few purges of my alternative wardrobe. We managed to muddle along, we weathered the storms.
About 5 or so years ago I had a mild panic attack at work, it seemed very major to me at the time. Then I was diagnosed as depressed and spent 2 years with 2 wonderful counsellors. They were the first outsiders who I ever told. My best mate was the only other beside my wife who knew. When I was in counselling, I found the cafe and discovered "guys" in skirts. The rest is all here to a greater or lesser extent. That's a potted history but it represents 35 years of the utmost joy and abject misery, a huge investment.
Believe it or not , we are mainly peaceable these days. I don't try to engage her in my skirt preferences and she makes little or no comment in return.
I do believe that the early days of our relationship soured any possible real acceptance on her part. We can discuss any subject fairly amiably which is an improvement. We just avoid the dreaded S word. It's not the best ,it's a compromise but it works at the moment.
I trust you saw what I posted about family gatherings on this thread, I'd welcome your comments.
Give Moon my regards too!
Steve.

[PatJ]

43 years ago when we married, my wife and I made an agreement that who ever filed for divorce - would have to take the kids.

Since neither of us wanted to be stuck with them....




Just kidding.

[Kilty]

Consequently I ask for very little also... When we argue she recovers quicker than I do and even after the extreme row we had the other night she continues the relationship as if nothing untoward has happened...

Last night I said that I was going to put on a skirt and go out for the day alone. Nowhere special, just window shopping and maybe just buy an item or two. She took it well but in the end I didn't go. We went shopping together and spent a little money. I enjoyed the time together but inside I was miserable because I wanted to be out skirted. The relationship and rebuilding the emotional ties was more important to me... She knows that if she is not around that I will go out skirted and she chooses to ignore this.

How have we lasted so long - I think just maybe tolerance more on her part because my diabetes makes me moodier than her, having things in common but also things that we do separately. But I think that mostly over 40 years our love has developed so strongly. One day very soon I will put on a skirt, say goodbye to her at the door and go somewhere - the Railway Museum, the Yorkshire Museum, Eden Camp a second world war prisoner of war camp, anywhere. Just to show her that it's no big deal. I just couldn't be so cruel on my birthday.

It all sounds very one sided, years of being submissive have made you dodge conflict at all costs, and any bump in the road is interpreted as World War Three but for her seems to be water off a ducks back. I think we all have decided last minute not to wear a skirt out, there can be some regret, but not "misery". Just my interpretation but things seem quite toxic. Rather than wait for that "one day soon", just put on your skirt first thing in the morning (simple jeans midi will do), don't discuss what you do, go about your business and blank her if she gives you any negative comments. It's time to take back your power and control and do some things you like, and not look over one's shoulder for consequences...

[Sinned]

kilty, miserable was probably too extreme a word - sad may have been better. I gave been taking back some control and there has been some adjustment on her part although it doesn't seem like it at the moment. We're getting there, inch by inch.

[hairy]

I was just thinking about how I worried about letting my daughter know of my skirting. So long as I was not going out after my morning showers I used to spend the day home with a towel around my waist, even if daughters friends called it was no big deal lots of men wrap a towel around after showers. In the end I just suddenly said to my daughter that I might as well wear a skirt or get a kilt and surprize she was fine about that. so I ordered a kilt, tried it on for her to see but it was way to big so it had to go back. It was then that daughter said I might as well wear wife's skirts, I laughed about the size difference then asked daughter if she would help me order a skirt online, she did with out problem. I'm not certain if she knew I already had wardrobe full. So I quickly went from wearing a towel all day in front of daughter to wearing a skirt. I posted on SC then about us being out and about with me skirted, I'm thinking about those that have difficulties with partners (Dennis sorry mate) how would it go if you spent the day around the house in a towel? after all its just material worn like a skirt.

[Orange Apple]

Just curious but for the ones that have been married a long time how do you guys make it so long? Do you ever fight about things other than skirts like intimacy or family , work related issues or is it just skirts? If so how do you get through them? What do you do in regards to them?

Communication and tolerance.

Many of our "fights" have been because of miscommunication or lack of communication. Sometimes it's hard to drop the emotion and just discuss an issue.

And maybe "compromise" would have been a better word than "tolerance", but the idea is don't sweat the small stuff and don't expect to always get your way. If my wife wants to do something and it's not hurting me, why should I care? And I expect and receive the same consideration from her. I do recognize that my wearing a skirt can affect her, but she's willing to handle that because she knows that it's important to me. I give her the same consideration.

A relationship doesn't just happen; you have to work at it.

[dillon]

Just curious but for the ones that have been married a long time how do you guys make it so long? Do you ever fight about things other than skirts like intimacy or family , work related issues or is it just skirts? If so how do you get through them? What do you do in regards to them?

Communication and tolerance.

Many of our "fights" have been because of miscommunication or lack of communication. Sometimes it's hard to drop the emotion and just discuss an issue.

And maybe "compromise" would have been a better word than "tolerance", but the idea is don't sweat the small stuff and don't expect to always get your way. If my wife wants to do something and it's not hurting me, why should I care? And I expect and receive the same consideration from her. I do recognize that my wearing a skirt can affect her, but she's willing to handle that because she knows that it's important to me. I give her the same consideration.

A relationship doesn't just happen; you have to work at it.

Exactly. I have expressed that sentiment several times in Skirt Cafe. I understand when my unique style is inappropriate, and I employ restraint in my self-expression; not that I have much compulsion to "push the envelope" in terms of effeminate elements, anyway. I understand the difficulty my wife has with it and choose not to make her confront my style in situations that are clearly important to her; in return, I expect to dress as I please most of the time without conflict about it. Marriage is absolutely compromise, but cannot be capitulation. That expectation would become the gravestone for a marriage, IMHO. Respect is a two-way street; if you expect it, you must also offer it.

[Elisabetta]

The reason for my question was in regards to Sinned and what he's dealing with with his other half.I was wondering how they were able to make it as far as they have. Has he always worn skirts for years or is this something recent we're dealing with? I was wondering if the issue is just with him wearing skirts outside of their house or if other issues I describe are also reasons as to why she's so admit in him not wearing skirts. I mean when Moon first came to me about skirt wearing I will say the Macabi skirts were nice and I didn't have an issue with those. When Moon then started began wearing female skirts s well I thought he was transitioning into a female and that made me uncomfortable at the time. Not because I'm against it but I wondered what we both would have to deal with when the family found out. Once Moon showed he didn't care what others thought and gained his confidence as he has and began with a style he likes it no longer bothered me. After all they're just clothes and when you get tired of it you find something else to wear.

[Orange Apple]

The reason for my question was in regards to Sinned and what he's dealing with with his other half.I was wondering how they were able to make it as far as they have. Has he always worn skirts for years or is this something recent we're dealing with? I was wondering if the issue is just with him wearing skirts outside of their house or if other issues I describe are also reasons as to why she's so admit in him not wearing skirts. I mean when Moon first came to me about skirt wearing I will say the Macabi skirts were nice and I didn't have an issue with those. When Moon then started began wearing female skirts s well I thought he was transitioning into a female and that made me uncomfortable at the time. Not because I'm against it but I wondered what we both would have to deal with when the family found out. Once Moon showed he didn't care what others thought and gained his confidence as he has and began with a style he likes it no longer bothered me. After all they're just clothes and when you get tired of it you find something else to wear.

If indeed they're just clothes, fine. But as you said, at first you thought there was more to it than that. Transitioning into the other gender is a significant event in the life of both the individual and the couple.

My wife was also initially concerned that it was more than clothing. Not that she wouldn't be willing to support me if I wanted to change genders, but that's a much bigger thing than wearing skirts. Again, communication is key. I can understand how someone would be much more concerned with a SO changing genders than an SO wearing clothing from the other gender, so it's important to be clear on which it is.

[Elisabetta]

I think I'm going to back away from this thread in general reading it can sure drag someone's day down. Have a good day.

[Sinned]

hairy, the first time I really wore a skirt was at our 2011 New Year's Eve parties, I can't remember what the theme was, but I was dressed as Freddy Mercury in the I Want to be Free video. I realised how comfortable the skirt was and shortly after that we were shopping in ASDA and I suggested buying a skirt for me. The rest is history. I do wear a skirt around the house, often but not all the time as my aim is to incorporate the skirt into my wardrobe as an integral item but, unlike some of you, not to completely replace jeans/trousers. So the towel idea to me is blasé. The issue is about me wearing a skirt OUTSIDE the house, I wear sarongs when on holiday much to herdisgust, and it's a similar comment from my sons' partners - they are not bothered about men wearing skirts, they just don't want their partners wearing them. HYPOCRITES.

Jenn, I have been wearing skirts with increasing frequency more or less since I joined SC in August 2012. At first both MOH and I agreed it would be just in the house and we thought that to wear a skirt you had to dress like a woman and for a VERY, VERY short while I tried it but just in the house. I gave it up when I discovered SC and to be honest I am just too lazy to go through all the rigmarole and especially with make-up. I am blind in my right eye so doing my left eye myself is a bit problematic. I have since limited my sartorial choices mainly to skirts, tights and the odd tops but not shoes and such. I do have some women's shoes that I adore, mainly strappy ones, small heel but never wear them and just can't bear somehow to throw them away. I have told her that I am NOT transitioning or want to cross-dress. There are a lot of female clothes that I wouldn't wear as I don't think that they would look right on me. I do wear a skirt out of the house and she knows it. For instance I go on a Saturday and Sunday mornings early, 6.30ish to get a newspaper and I wear a skirt. There is no reaction at all at the paper shop. All I can get out of her is that when she sees me in a skirt she sees me dressed as a woman even with a man's or neutral top/T-short, despite the fact that as has been pointed out women aren't wearing skirts in vast numbers any more. She would probably concede a tartan kilt and, I might be stretching things here, a pleated tartan skirt if I can find one to fit. For some reason the tartan skirts I see in charity shops all seem to be sizes 8-12 and just don't fit, unfortunately. And BTW you can all call me Dennis, it is my name, Sinned is my sign on.

[Gusto10]

having read through the stories at high speed, I realise that aom are more Lucky than others. My ex became my ex as she wasn't willing at all to discuss even thougn it was ht idea, my skirtwearing. My nw other half just take my skirts and wears them even asking if it wasn;t the one I would like to wear that day.

[Kilty]

I think I'm going to back away from this thread in general reading it can sure drag someone's day down. Have a good day.

+1